


these violent sugar highs have violent ends

by TheMousePrince



Series: Jennifer and Todd's Caffeinated Adventures [1]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Coffee Shops, Finale? What Finale?, Gen, Humor, Jennifer Deserved Better, Winnie-the-Pooh References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-10 00:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18649396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMousePrince/pseuds/TheMousePrince
Summary: Jennifer the Monster somehow (murder, it was murder) gets a job at Starbucks to satisfy his daily craving for sugar. Coincidentally, Todd is working in the same shop and trying his best to survive his new co-worker. Your image of Winnie the Pooh will never be the same after this.





	these violent sugar highs have violent ends

Jennifer didn't quite understand how it had happened. Confused memories of blood, irritating screaming, and the golden twinkle in the manager's eyes when he realized that Jennifer didn't seem to know the meaning of "dollar" or "benefits" but _did_ have a strong grasp on the concepts of "sugar" and "unlimited".

So there Jennifer was, staring at someone wearing a name tag reading "Todd" attaching a name tag reading "Jen" to his new work apron with trembling hands.

Once "Todd" was done, Jennifer looked down at his new name.

"I said 'Jennifer'," he noted, his voice ending in a near growl.

"Jen is Jennifer!," Todd said, his face and neck flush from holding his breath too much while around his new co-worker. "Management just felt that Jen was a bit more...gender-neutral? Somehow?"

Jennifer frowned.

"G-gender natural?"

"Like," Todd paused to wipe his clammy hands on his apron, "some people might look at you and think Jennifer is a bit...weird?"

Jennifer inhaled deeply. That sent Todd in a panic.

"I mean, not me! I love it! I have friends who are," he tried to read Jennifer's blank expression, "weird? _I'_ _m_ weird! It's all good, man!"

And with that, Todd sealed his support by landing his hand on Jen's shoulder—in what he'd been taught all his life was the ultimate bonding move but was, in this case, most likely not recommended. But old habits die hard, and Todd could have pondered about how he finally understood the weight of that saying if this was an academic paper on the topic and not a piece of fiction in which every second that passes is a second Todd gets closer to death-by-Jen*.

Todd felt the ground slip from under his feet—when it was in fact him who was slipping from the ground—as Jennifer's hand, firmly gripping his neck, was accompanying his body up.

"No. Touching."

"Promise," Todd said, his voice reduced to barely more than a whistle.**

Jennifer let go and Todd fell miserably to the ground, noting, when his knees hit the floor, that there was some spilled hazelnut-flavored syrup he had yet to clean. A prospect that now seemed like the best thing in the world. Fifteen minutes (with deliberately slow and feather-light motions) of not having to interact with his new terrifying co-worker.

* * *

"Out of cookies," Jen said.

"Already?" Todd was still rubbing at where the syrup used to be, staring at his reflection wondering if that pimple on the side of his nose had been there since that morning. "I thought I'd refilled the jar at the start of my shift."

"How do I refill?"

"I think there's some left in one of the boxes in the back," Todd looked up, "Do you remember wh—"

Jennifer was holding one of his hands up (which was never good when those hands could slit a throat open with a simple twitch of the finger) now deep inside a glass jar that used to contain baked goods.

"D-did you get your hand s—"

"Stuck," Jennifer finished, already bored by the situation.

Todd found it oddly endearing. As endearing as if Winnie the Pooh had stuck his upper body inside a tree hole, right after slaughtering an entire village. His plump body still dripping clotting blood, making his short legs slip on the tree bark as he was trying to jiggle himself free.

"Alright, hang on," Todd said, getting up.

Jen did not hang on and slammed his hand, and accompanying jar, against the nearest wall.

And as shards of glass flew everywhere, a few pieces cutting Todd's face in their course, the magician thought that maybe there were worse things in life than applying for a job at McDonald's.

 

*One of the most fatal epidemic of 2019.

**Ironically, he had never managed to whistle properly. Not for lack of trying. But maybe now, conjuring the image of his near-death experience would help him whistle the tune of whatever song Eliot and his friends were belting (while he admired them from a distance).

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read this far thank you so much and remember that kudos are nice and comments (even incoherent ones) are even better.
> 
> I am tired of not finishing works, so I've decided to write little scenes of Jen and Todd's caffeinated adventures whenever inspiration strikes and post them as a series. That way this won't end up abandoned as each scene will have a definite beginning and end. I hope to, eventually, get Jennifer and Todd to experience True Character Development. I also want to have the other characters pop in from time to time (spoiler alert: none of them are straight). So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, more is coming (hopefully)!
> 
> **Constructive** criticism is welcome!


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